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Gottman Method Therapy

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What is the Gottman Method?

Gottman Method Couples Therapy (GMCT) is based in over 40 years of research into what makes relationships work and what destroys them. As a treatment model, it has a well-documented success rate when couples engage in it effectively. The techniques are extremely transferable and work with all relationships (family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc.). 

 

What are the goals of relationship counseling?

Broadly, the goals are to:

• ​decrease your harmful communication styles

• improve the effectiveness of your communication (even when fighting)

• increase the respect and affection between each other

• increase intimacy by developing deeper empathy and understanding of each other.

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How are these relationship goals achieved in counseling?

Drs. John and Julie Gottman identified 9 components of healthy relationships known as The Sound Relationship House Theory. The following is adapted from their official website.

 

Through the counseling process, the following areas are assessed and addressed. Couples learn their areas of strength and struggle and learn tangible tools for making improvements where they would like.

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Elements of the Gottman Sound Relationship House:

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Get reconnected to your partner (remember why you chose each other in the first place)

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• Build Love Maps 

  • learn your partner’s inner psychological world

  • learn their history, worries, stresses, joys, and hopes

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• Share Fondness and Admiration

  • ​increase affection and respect within a relationship

  • express appreciation more often

  • provide and receive support in personalized ways

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Learn to argue better (we all have disagreements in our relationships)

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• Turn Towards Instead of Away

  • ​state your needs and wants aloud

  • be aware of "bids" (attempts) for connection

  • respond to these bids them rather than rejecting them or turning away

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• The Positive Perspective

  • ​learn to take a positive team-oriented approach to problem-solving

  • learn to make things right again after someone has been hurt

  • learn to validate each other

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• Manage Conflict 

  • effectively manage conflicts (which are natural and unavoidable)

  • learn the difference between handling perpetual (unsolvable) problems and solvable problems.

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Identify what you are building together (intentionally design the future you want to share)

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• Make Life Dreams Come True 

  • ​create a safe atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about their hopes, values, convictions and aspirations.

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• Create Shared Meaning

  • ​understand important goals, narratives, and myths about your relationship and the life you are creating together.

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• Increase Trust 

  • ​creating a connection where both people believe that their partner considers and acts out of the best intentions

  • Be able to trust that “my partner has my back and is there for me.”

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• Commitment

  • believe and act in ways that show you are committed to the relationship for better or for worse

  • learn to cherish your partner’s positive qualities and regularly find gratitude for each other

  • learn to avoid an over-focus on negative qualities or comparing your partner to others.

  • learn to reduce factors that contribute to resentment